Speaking to CBS News, Gaga opened up about her feelings on fame and struggles with her mental health. “I just totally gave up on myself,” she said of the time before ‘Chromatica’. “I hated being famous. I hated being a star. I felt exhausted and used up.”
Pointing to a piano behind her in her studio, she explained: “I went from looking at this piano, and thinking, You ruined my life. During that time, I was like, ‘You made me Lady Gaga. My biggest enemy is Lady Gaga’. That’s what I was thinking: ‘My biggest enemy is her. What did you do?’”
Gaga went on to discuss not being able to go out for dinner with her family without being interrupted by fans and how she would experience “full body pain” during encounters where people would treat her like “an object […[ not a person”.
Asked why she didn’t quit music if it was so painful for her, she replied: “I swear on my future unborn children, I don’t know why, but I have to. This, I have to do it. Singing, I have to. Turns out, even if I don’t wanna be alive, I still know how to write a song.”
She added that she had come to terms with her pop persona, saying she doesn’t “hate Lady Gaga anymore”. “I found a way to love myself again, even when I thought that was never gonna happen,” she said.
On Friday (September 18), the star released a new video for ‘Chromatica’ track ‘911’. The visuals see her play both the queen of a mystical land and a victim of a road accident.